Today’s Sex Ed Lesson from the NYT: Miscarriage
Photos: Vanity Fair (Nov 25, 2020), Anwar Hussein/Getty
Today’s Sex Education Lesson from Meghan, Duchess of Sussex: Miscarriage. Why talking about grief and loss is a necessary part of healing
Sex education has focused so intensely on preventing pregnancy for so long, that the field seems unable to even consider including wanted pregnancy as a necessary aspect of a more complex, more truthful discussion.
And, without including wanted pregnancy, we take away the possibility of discussing the grief and loss that happens when things don’t work out the way we hope they will.
Which takes away room to talk about miscarriages, fetal death, and infant death. If not part of sex education, then when is the right time and place to talk about these life-changing events?
This weekend, I read an opinion piece in the New York Times where a mom recounted the moment of her miscarriage. She wrote, “I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.” The piece read like an outstretched hand of support to those who have experienced grief and loss and found themselves suffering in silence, engulfed by guilt and shame. After I finished reading the essay, I scrolled back to the top of the article to see who had penned it. I was surprised to see that it was Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex. I almost thought that maybe it wasn’t who I thought it was. A few Google searches later, I convinced myself, that it was in fact Meghan Markle who wrote the essay.
Good for you Meghan, for making something so private, so public. And in doing so, saying that it is not only OK to talk about this stuff, but we need to talk about this stuff - as an important part of releasing feelings of guilt, shame and isolation that come when things go so differently than we had planned.
The educator in me couldn’t help but think about how often kids hold onto their own guilt and shame - for things they felt, said or did, and wished they hadn’t, and for things that were really out of their control to begin with, but that they somehow feel personally responsible for. I can vividly recount some scenes from my childhood where I did just that, and I can also feel the release I felt when I finally came clean to my mom. It was in those moments that she was able to help me take responsibility for and do something about the things that were my fault and to stop taking responsibility for things that were completely out of my control. Meghan, miscarriages and mothering - a great reminder about opening up, reaching out, connecting, and eventually being OK.
Questions for Discussion:
Lower Elementary School
What’s the most embarrassing thing you ever did?
Upper Elementary School
Did you ever do something you then felt guilty about? Do you still feel guilty about it, or did you do something about it?
Middle School
Have you ever been ashamed of something you thought, felt or did? Do you still feel ashamed? Or did something help you let go of the shame?
High School
What is the difference between guilt and shame? Do you think these feelings serve a purpose? What do you think is the best way to deal with these feelings?
To learn about sexual health standards - what topics and skills should be taught at what grade level, please visit the Discussions by Age section of our website, RoadsToFamily
Original piece: The Losses We Share, by Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex. The writer is a mother, feminist and advocate. New York Times, Nov. 25, 2020