The Deal with Donor Conception
What is a donor?
A donor is someone who provides sperm cells, egg cells, or embryos to another person, so they can grow their family.
Intended parents find donors in all sorts of ways. Donors can be friends, relatives, acquaintances or other people the intended parents have a relationship with. Others find donors through the internet, social media, and apps. Intended parents can also select donors from a cryobank, which store frozen gametes and embryos. Intended parents seeking egg donors have the additional option of selecting a donor through a fertility clinic or agency.
Unknown is the new Anonymous
When donors and intended parents don't know any identifying information about one another, the donor is considered anonymous. Many cryobanks offer an identity release option. Donors can choose to have their contact information released to their offspring, when they turn eighteen. All donations in the UK made after 2005, for example, are ID release.
These days, many people have discovered their previously anonymous donor through DNA testing, facial recognition software (using photos from the donors profile), Internet sleuthing, and the donor sibling database. That is why these days, donors are more commonly called unknown, rather than anonymous. It's likely just a matter of time before they are discovered.
What’s it like to be conceived with a donor?
How people feel about their donor conception story varies widely from person to person. Some people are very curious about their genetic origins and seek to form a relationship with the donor and donor siblings. Other people have little to no interest in their genetic history. Many fall somewhere in between. Views also often change over the course of someone's life.
Regardless of individual experiences, overall, the donor conceived community advocates strongly for transparency. They recommend that parents tell their children of their origins early and often, in an age-appropriate way, so that their child will never be surprised by their origin story. As one donor conceived young adult, Kianni, explains in Roads to Family: All the Ways We Come to be, "If you allow them that information, it creates a solid foundation from which they can build their self-identity and self-worth. It lets them be confident in who they are." The last chapter of Roads to Family: All the Ways We Come to Be offers the experiences and recommendations of four siblings, who all grew up in different households, but who were all conceived with sperm from the same donor. The book also shares the experiences and perspectives of sperm and egg donors.
All around the world, donor conceived organizations support the donor conceived community. They provide educational opportunities, resources, and advocate for the rights of donor conceived individuals. Check out: Donor Conceived Community, Donor Conception Canada, Donor Conceived UK, US Donor Conceived Council, Donor Conceived Australia, We Are Donor Conceived, Donor Conception Network, Donor Conceived Alliance of Canada. And of course, donor conceived individuals share their expertise through numerous social media platforms and podcasts.